Oh bother...

Hello real Navy life, here you are walking back into my life,  and I can't say that I am terribly happy about it. But this is what we signed up for.

J is heading out on his first work up soon. He will be gone for about a month. And this could have come at a better time. Seriously. I was super excited about having an extra pay check this month and now with having to buy a plane ticket, then switch plane ticket (twice at $150 a pop) plus buying anything that is needed for our rental house, plus everything that J needs or "needs" to go on the boat we have more than spent the "extra" money. Fabulous. Oh and then there is the cable that we "had to have" with the NFL Red Zone that was necessary. I am pretty sure we are hemorrhaging money. Freaking fabulous.

Ugh. I am ready to just pay for it and get it over with at this point. Nothing I can do now.

Let's do this!
Love,
L

P.S. As much as I really didn't want to go back to having digital cable, it has been kind of nice. TV Shows on demand and lots of channels. And I know there are things that J needs to have while he is away, and also things that will be really nice for him to have. I'm just ticked that everything was not budgeted for and WAY more expensive than anticipated. Bleck.

Well Hello Monday

Yes, I do realize that Monday is almost over. But here I am still in the midst of it all.

H had his first meal tonight! I thought we would wait until he was officially 6 months, but he showed an interest today and we jumped on it. I think most of it ended up on his chin (and in his neck folds) and belly, but he was getting the hang of it.
      {we did 2Tbs oatmeal cereal and 4Tbs formula. I think next time I will make it thicker.}
J had some strange new today that I can't really talk about but will be sure to fill you in if anything comes of it.
Have I complained enough about how much I hate having a mortgage? Life would be easier in some ways with out it. Sigh. Oh well.
Work is a little nuts. My only friend from work is leaving at the end of the week. Sad to see her go. I'm gonna be bored. Who am I going to talk to? Customers? Oh. Yeah. That's what I'm paid to do.

No running for this little lady. But we are eating healthier, so I'll count that as a win.

That's all. Life just keeps going.

Love,
L

Grocery Shopping Week 2

So this week's total was $39.75. I can't believe I came in under $40. This should be enough to get us through the week. We have several soups planned and those go a loooong way so that will help. Here is what we bought:

splenda
campbell's soups (5) for lunches
stewed tomato's (1)
V8
1/2 & 1/2
milk
frozen corn
frozen green beans
lean pockets (1)
ground turkey (1)
italian sausage
hearts of romain
green onions
garlic
5# bag of potatoes
parsley
salad
coleslaw mix
chicken stock

And this is what we will be making:
Loaded Baked Potato Soup (thank you Kait!)
Spicy Italian Sausage
Beef and Veggi Soup
Chicken and salad
Lettuce Cups

For lunches, it will be mainly leftovers with the lean pockets and canned soups just in case.

Again, I have a lot of pantry staples that fill in for the things that I didn't shop for like pasta, onions (from last week), chicken, teriyaki sauce and what not. And I can not make a meal for just two people (especially the soups and lettuce cups!) So I have enough for lunches and leftovers. And should I have lots of leftovers of the lettuce cups, I will be making frittata's with those (that is my favorite thing to do with leftover lettuce cups). We are stocked up on eggo's and cereal so breakfasts are good to go.

What are you eating this week? I am always up for new inexpensive recipes!

Love,
L

Friendships

I feel like I cannot be the only one who feels this way. Friendships were so "easy" in high school. Yes there was the crazy drama stuff that I am forgetting about now, but seeing my friends every day, going to class with the same people made it so easy to not only make friends, but keep those friendships going.

Since high school, my best of best friends moved 4.5 hours from home (5 hours from where I am now), I have moved to a town where I knew basically no one except for the people that my hubs met at work. I have met people at work, but no one that I really click with.

I miss my besties. I feel like we are so far apart in more than just distance. The three of us have very busy lives. It's easy to get caught up in life and just let these friendships go by the wayside. I miss girl time. I love my husband and I love my babe, but I NEED something else. I keep waiting to meet this new friend, and so far no dice.

One day.

Anyone feel this way? Or is it just me?

Love,
L

PPD Part 2

You can read PPD Part 1 here. It was getting terribly long, and I decided to break it into two sections.

Here is part 2.

So I finally decided to see my doctor. And I was terribly embarrassed. And of course I cried and cried there. And I was so embarrassed to be crying in front of not only the guy who delivered my baby and saw me at nearly every single doctors appointment but also in front of the nurse that I saw at nearly every week as well. And I know that PPD happens, but I couldn't believe that this was now me.

Thankfully, my doctor was wonderful. He felt that this really would go away. He explained things to me in a way that made me feel like I wouldn't always be this way. I would get better. I would be myself again. He prescribed a medicine to me, and I was so excited to be on my way to myself again. At the same time, I was terribly scared. I was starting a brand new job in less than 5 days, my mom was coming in to town, and I felt like I couldn't fake my way thru this.

I took my pills as prescribed with the highest of hopes. And let me tell you I was sorely disappointed. I had every single side effect that you could get from this medicine. But at the time, I didn't even think about side effects. Most of these side effects are also the same signs as early pregnancy. And I was freaking out. Here I have a nearly 10 week old baby and I could have another on the way. I can not even begin to tell you how scared I was. On top of being scared I was terribly sick. I could hardly move off the couch. And finally it dawns on me - side effects. So here I am googling my medicine, and what do I find? I have every. single. side effect. From nausea to blurry vision. Lovely.

*side note - Thank God for my mom. I could not have taken care of H like this. I was sicker than a dog. And thankfully she was there in time to take care of the both of us.

I call my doctor who tells me to stop taking it immediately (duh!) and he says to wait until Monday for the meds to be totally out of my system before starting me on something new. And he prescribes me the "kiddie" version to hopefully keep these side effects away.

(Here is a little time line for you: I had my original appointment on Tuesday, started taking the pills Wednesday morning, stopped taking the pills on Thursday and was sick through Sunday.)

I was a mess. I start my new job on Monday. How on earth am I going to make it when I feel like I have the worst flu ever (among other things). I prayed and prayed that I would be healed enough for work. I was scared to death to take anything else because there was no way I could try and work while feeling this way.

And to be perfectly honest, I am not sure why or how my life worked out this way, but one day on my new job and I was back to my old self. No medicine, no supplements, just some honest to goodness conversations outside the house. I remember walking back into my house after my first day of work with a smile on my face excitedly announcing to J that it was me again. I was happy! For the first time in weeks!

And then I felt a little guilty. How could I have hated being at home so much? How could I have enjoyed leaving my baby boy with someone else?

I don't have any answers for any of those questions. I do know that I have one of the best day care providers that I could have asked for. She loves him, which was exactly what I was looking for. I love being outside my home. I still don't have that great of friends here, but being around people all day long make up for the friendships I am missing. I truly am enjoying my son so much more that I thought I could. I love being a mom. I would not change my life for anything, and I am so happy to have H in my life. I couldn't imagine life with out him.

Like I said earlier, I am not really sure why I felt the need to share this. All I can hope is that someone can relate to this. Life is not always what we plan for it to be. It is not always rainbows and unicorns. But if we don't learn from the hard times, they were for nothing.

Love,
L

P. S. I am not quite sure how this fits in to my story, but PPD took a toll on my marriage. I wasn't fun to be around. I was upset all the time over every thing. And I am so thankful that I have a husband who loved me thru it. In so many ways I would be lost with out him. And I know how hard this was for him to see me not be my self. How hard it was for him to take care of the both of us. And how stressful life was between work, a crazy wife, and a crying baby. He truly is the most special man in the world to me. It wasn't (and isn't) always easy. But it's always worth it.

PPD Part 1

I am not really sure where to start here.

I guess, first off I never thought in a million years that I would be any sort of depressed after I had my baby. I expected the normal baby blues, but I didn't expect to not feel like myself. My pregnancy went perfectly. I could not have asked for anything better. Labor, not exactly what I had hoped for, but all things considered, it could have been worse!

And then we go home with our sweet baby boy. Whom I adore. And everything started off normal. I wasn't really sure what to expect. My life had completely turned upside down. I think I had the normal  baby blues, and then it just never got better. In fact, it got worse.

I feel like at about 3 weeks things just started to go down hill. And I am not real sure exactly what happened. I think that a lot of it had to do with issues breast feeding. And maybe some of it had to do with a lack of support that I would have had if we were home.

I rarely left the house, I had a screaming baby, milk coming out of my ears, none of my "friends" came to visit. Basically the only people I saw on my maternity leave was family and a few close friends who came up to visit. And I lived for these visits.

 It seemed like suddenly my life was just spiraling. I couldn't wait for J to get home so I could have a break from the baby. I couldn't nap during the day, I was exhausted. I felt deprived from my old life where everything was easy. And I felt like I had no one to turn to. I didn't feel comfortable enough with anyone (family or friend) to REALLY share how I was feeling. To share that I really didn't love this new life I had.

And then there was the pressure that i felt (or rather probably imagined) that I should be enjoying my baby just as much as my friends with their new babies. And I just didn't. I was struggling. In so many ways.

I just wasn't myself. And I couldn't admit it. I thought that I could just shake it off, so to speak. It took me nearly 9 weeks to admit that something was wrong. I was crying every day. Every time H would eat, he would scream and I would cry. I was a mess. And H was a ball of stress right along with me. And unfortunately I had to hit rock bottom to decide that this was not right and I needed to get help.

*Rock Bottom* J and I were driving back from home and I cried for 4 hours straight. What I was feeling was a combination of sadness to be away from family/friends and so many issues feeding my sweet baby boy. And I finally came face to face with the fact that this just wasn't right. I did not cry for hours on end. And switching my baby from breast to formula should not be the end of the world. I was blowing things out of proportion. And I couldn't help myself.

To be continued...

I am not really sure why I am sharing this. Maybe to get some of this off my chest, maybe to just share with that one person out there that could be reading this to know that it is all okay and you are normal. That this happens to people when they least expect it. That you are not alone, and that while my situation may not be the same as yours, I have been there. And it does get better.

Love,
L

Well, that was a joke!

There are a lot of benefits to being a Navy spouse. And one thing that has been mentioned to me several times was New Parent Support. And I finally gave in and set up an appointment with new parent support.

Today was our appointment and I've got to be honest. I am not sure why she was here. All she really did was listed to us talk about H and how awesome he is. I did not learn anything new (like I thought I would), I did not learn anything about what we could be doing differently to help him developmentally (like I thought we would), and we pretty much just sat around and chatted. And don't get me wrong, that was nice and all. But it was not what I was expecting or wanting to get out of our visit.

I am not sure if I will be seeing her again...I have another appointment in a month. I could see this being nice if J was on deployment and I didn't get out of the house very often, but that is not the case.

We will see...

Love,
L

Back to normal

J is back working days. And I have to say I am relieved. It's hard being a "single" mom. So much to do all by yourself and not enough hours in the day to get it all done. Especially before the little man's bed time.

One thing that J and I have been working so hard on is to punch our debt in the face. We have been saving and scrimping to get rid of what little credit card debt that we have and then start working on our car loan. (And I can't even think about our house. I am burying my head in the sand a little, but I can't stress about it.) I am proud to say that we paid off J's truck right after I came back from maternity leave, paid off 1 credit card with a 2k balance, and will pay off our last card in less than a year. And that is not including any money that we may (or may not) get back at tax time. And then my car (should we keep it) will be next on the list.

Debt makes me angry. I feel so dumb for using credit cards ever. And I feel even more dumb for buying so many darn new cars. Dumb dumb dumb! If I could go back a few years and not trade in my Scion Xb, I would in a heart beat. And we would have 2 paid off cars =) And let me tell you, we are paying for our mistakes, slowly but surely. But it makes me so happy to say that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We budget, save, and keep constant track of our money. Well... I'm the obsessive one. Budgets make me happy!

What makes you happy?
L

P.S. All I want to do, is just go blow a pay check (or two) on a new wardrobe and home decor. Ugh...Wish I was thrifty!

Confession

Worst part about having a baby? All my hair is falling out. I am pretty sure I am going to be bald. This part stinks.

That's all.
L

Grocery Shopping

After reading a few posts from ladies and their grocery shopping (most recently Kait), I thought I would join in and show you what we buy and what we make with our food.'

I generally shop once a week. That is really all I have time for. We also try to make most of our meals on Sunday's because with J working nights, I just really don't have the time to make a huge meal every night of the week. And I really hate to buy fast food.

I budget $120 for the 1st and the 15th, so $240 for the whole month. This doesn't include what we buy at Costco, which is budgeted for differently. We do 95% of our shopping at the commissary. It's generally cheaper and their produce is pretty good.

So here it goes (no picture, the hubs was super productive and started putting it all away before I could snap a picture)

Tortilla chips
Oriental noodles (3)
Triscuts (2)
Baby Cereal (2) (just getting prepared for when we decide H will start solids)
Cereal (2)
Mashed Potato's (6)
Earl Gray tea
Bay Leaves
Cinnamon Sticks
Chicken breasts
Shredded carrots
Apple butter
Zucchini (3)
Green cabbage
Garlic
Sweet Potato's (4)
1 bag sweet onions

Grand total $56.91

Our meals for the week will be:
Carnita's
Lumpia
Pansit
Kelliguin
Hamburger Pie
Spam Fried Rice

This is J's last week of night check and they will be doing a pot luck at the end of the week and they requested we make a few of the Chammoro (or Guam-ish) recipes (okay all of the Chammoro recipes) I know how to make.
Lumpia is basically a twist on an egg roll
Pansit is the lumpia "guts" with oriental noodles
Kelliguin is like a spicy chicken salad made with lemon juice and peppers.
The the carnitas will be like pork burritos.

There is so much food in my house right now. No need for separate lunches, we will be eating leftovers for sure!

That's what I'm eating this week. What are you eating?
Love,
L

Please ignore my possible misspelling of carnita's. lumpia, pansit, kelliguin, and Chammoro

5Months

Oh my dear. Has it really been 5 months? Because I am pretty sure it has only been 5 weeks. Seriously. How on earth does time fly this fast?

Well, my little baby ninja, you are getting so big! At your last appointment you are 14.7 lbs and 24.75 inches long. 25-50% for height and weight and then that darn noggin of yours is still 90th percentile!

You are not yet rolling over, but you are SO CLOSE. You like to get all the way on your side and have both shoulders touching the ground, but then roll your self back over because you know you don't want to be stuck on your tummy. Smart! You are reaching for some of your toys when we hand them to you, and love to stick everything in your mouth. You like to "stand". And you love facing forward when we hold you. Your head is getting so much steadier during tummy time and when we we sit you in your bumbo.

You laugh ALL THE TIME. And you think I am funny, but you think Daddy is HILARIOUS. He seriously cracks you up. You blow raspberries all the time and babble constantly.

At night you are sleeping from 7:30-12:30 eat 4-6oz and then go back to bed again until about 4:30 where you eat another 4-6oz and then go back to bed until you are up for the day at about 6:30. I am missing the days when you slept thru the night, but if you are getting up since you are hungry (which you are!) I don't mind. One day you will sleep thru the night again. But I am thankful you don't ever wake up crying. Every night I wake up to you talking to yourself. I love it!

This week, we sat you in your high chair, and you were so delighted! I'm not sure what tickled you so much about it, but you had so much fun sitting in your big boy chair. We still set you in the bumbo every day or so for a few minutes, and your big ol' head is getting so much steadier! I know mama's who are telling me their babies are sitting in the bumbo easily at like 2 months...not you! You've got lots of brains to hold up!

Well baby ninja, I am so happy that I am your mom. I can't wait to see how you change over the next month.

Love,
Mama.

P.S. Mommy confession: I blame my semi-messy house on my babe. True confession? It would probably look the same regardless of Hyatt.
 Also, I had no idea how big Hyatt's head was until I was changing one of my friend's little boy's clothes. I pulled the onesie over his head and his head just slipped on thru the hold. Not my baby! You have to STRETCH that onesie over my lil ninja's head. You and your 90th percentile head...makes me smile!

Little Bits

Here are a few of the  little bitty things on my mind:

LOVE having J's grandparents here. I was plenty worried about what I was going to do with them, but it has been so relaxing and just NICE. I have love spending time with all of our family that has been visiting this month, and this visit is included in that. I'm gonna be sad to see them go tomorrow =(

Baby ninja is getting SO BIG. He is holding up his head a ton better. We tried out his high chair today and he LOVED it. He was glowing and giggling. I can't wait to start feeding him solid foods.

On that note, he just isn't ready for solids. J and I are waiting for his head control to get a little better, his tongue reflex to go away, and for him to show an interest in our foods. Mainly we are just waiting for him to show an interest now. Like every thing else, he will do it in his own time.

Oh. My. Gosh. In 2 more days I will have a 5 month old. Where on earth has the time gone?

J will only be on nights for a few more weeks. I am excited to get my man back at night! I'd forgotten how nice it is to have help with the babe.

I keep blog stalking people. I love the posts on clothes and what they are wearing (I have no style these days, and if I am being honest I haven't had style for a long while!). I love the PF blogs. And what people are buying at the grocery store. Wow. I'm a stalker!

Have I told you all how much I love being a mom? I kinda left off here when I was having a really hard time. And since going back to work I am a whole new person. I could do a little post on my lovely time with PPD, but that will be another day.

I am so terribly thankful to one of our friends who will be renting our house back home. Such a weight off our shoulders.

That's all folks!
L

Oh life....

Some days, I just want to curl up on my couch and pretend life isn't out there. That my every worry is taken care of. I wish that I was a child with out a thought for the cares of the world.

But I am not.

I am a grown up. And a wife. And a mommy.

And with growing up comes responsibilities. And pain. And fear.

And my problems seem much more insignificant when I compare them to a family that just lost their darling daughter today. Cancer is not fair. And it seems especially unfair when it strikes a child.

I cannot comprehend the pain and sadness being felt by their family. And I know that she is safe in the hands of our Heavenly Father. And all I can do is pray for peace for her family.

That's all I've got today.
L

Home is a house with a heart...

Right now, in my little home town Extreme Makeover Home Edition is building one of the most deserving families I know a brand spanking new home. And oh how I wish I could be home right now helping. But I am not and I can only do so much from afar. But what I do want to share with all of you lovelies out there is her blog. She and her friend run a company called Earth Monkeys and they make some of the best baby products I own. And to make a long story short, they had a blog post today about some of what is going on at the site there and there was something that really stuck with me. And that was:

... but it's a place you wanted to be, because of the people.  This is a family filled with love and chaos, but mostly love.

This is the type of home I want to have. This is the type of wife and mother I want to be. Life may be chaotic, it will never be perfect, and there will always be laundry. But when people come into my house, when they meet me and my family, when they become a part of our lives, I want them to feel the love. I want to have a house with a heart. And I want to be the heart of my family. And I have no idea how to do this, but that is where I want to be. It’s part of the person I want to be. 

That's what is on my heart right now, and I just needed to share.

Love,

L

Family

Sometimes, when it rains it pours... And September is raining family!
Labor day was filled with my family. My aunties and uncle, mom, brother, sunshine, lots of laughter, food, and most of all fun. So many sweet memories made over a terribly short weekend.

This weekend J's family is coming up again. And as usual, their visit will be much too short. This weekend shall be another sunny one. It feels like summer has finally reached my little corner of the world!

The next week J's grandparents will be coming to town. It will be nice to show our little town to a fresh set of eyes. I really enjoy being a tourist in my own town. And it seems as though we never take the time to really explore until we have people visiting.

We have the best of intentions for touring our little town and spending much of the weekends out doors, but something always seems to come up. Generally in the form of lazing on the couch. Oops!

So here I am, enjoying these last few weeks of summer, finally getting my act together and enjoying all there is to enjoy here in our little military town.

Love,
L

Has it really been this long?

Why yes, yes it has been that long. It has been over a month an a half since I last blogged. I have been so busy. Between working, baby, hubby, and just LIFE in general. So how about a little catch up?

Hyatt is 4 and a half months old. And he is still the most amazing little man. I am a tiny bit worried that he isn't rolling over either way yet, but I figure when he want's to start moving and shaking he will. And until then, I am SUPER happy that when I set him somewhere, he stays there.
Oh my goodness this boy talks. All day long he babble babble babbles. And then there are the fingers in his mouth, and the drool, and the blowing spit bubbles. It is drool galore in my house!
And if he could be any cuter, I might just explode. He is so happy all the time. He "angry coos" when he he wakes up in the middle of the night and is hungry. He hardly cries, except when we are starving him to death or he is really tired.

Other than my amazingly sweet son, I am working over 40 hours a week. And I am LOVING my new job. It keeps me busy, I am making a good amount of money (paying off bills baby!), I love talking to people all day long (and then hate being on the phone after work!), and work is such a good thing for me. Snapped me right out of any depression. I love being back to my old self!!

In slightly sadder news, J has been switched to night check so that means very little time with my all time favorite man. This is our first week of the new schedule (hence the time for blogging!) and so far so good. I am attempting to be a little super mom-ish and getting my run on after work, along with cooking dinner, chilling with my little man, and then bath time and down for bed. It's feeling like a lot by myself. But J is here in the morning and we will see each other on weekends.

I am feeling like this is our first real introduction into the Navy. It's not exactly what we planned for, or what we want, but we are rolling with the punches. And I am looking at this as my preview of deployment. And I am feeling lucky to have a preview into what my life will be like as a sort of single mom.

So that is it, hopefully I will be around more often

Love,
L

P.S. Here are a few of my mommy confessions from these first few months for you:
*I am officially "that mom". The one who lets her baby cry because sometimes you just can't come running for every little thing. Someone's  gotta cook dinner!
*I am also the mom who blows off the paci before putting it back in his mouth. No steril sanitizing here!
*Sometimes, in the early morning, I will let my baby talk himself back to sleep just so I can get a few extra minutes.
*While my family was here, Hyatt didn't get a bath for about 4 days. Can you say dirty bird? Oops!