Monday, June 20, 2011

As if you haven't heard about it enough...

Seriously...could I be more boring? All I want to do is talk about freaking breast feeding. And how it isn't working.

If I had known how terribly hard breast feeding was, I would do the last 9 weeks a lot differently.

I would ask for help sooner (like at the hospital). And I would go back to the lactation consultant at the first sign that things weren't working right. And I would keep going back.

For me, breast feeding is not natural and is the hardest thing that I have ever tried to do. I have cried so much over it. And now I am crying over not being able to do it.

Seriously, I have lost weight in tears, I am pretty sure.

And at this point, I am not sure what is worse. Breast feeding, or not breast feeding. Because from where I am right now they both freaking suck. And I feel like we are too far gone from good nursing sessions that we can't go back. And honestly, I cant go back to crying every time he nurses. So not good for either of us.

Maybe I'm depressed. This sure doesn't feel normal. And it's not like me to cry over everything. I keep rationalizing why I am crying, but maybe it has been too long.

I'm just full of issues. Fan-freakin-tastic

I'm calling it a night.

Sunday, June 19, 2011


I wish I could say that life has gotten easier with my little ninja, but sadly this isn't so.

Who on EARTH would think that feeding such a little person would be so hard. This week we decided to feed him mainly bottles, while still having him nurse at night. And this went well for about 5 days. And while I have always had enough milk for twins, now I barely have enough for one. I went from pumping 4-6oz at every pumping session (even the night ones) today I have barely been able to pump 3 oz at a session....and this last time I pumped, it was an ounce.

I am feeling sooo disheartened by this. I want nothing more than to breast feed my baby boy, but right now it's not looking good. I am hoping that once we are home (we are on vacation right now) that things will get a bit easier. And the worst part about this? Last night, the middle of the night feeding was so perfect. He ate so well and so peacefully. And now? I am wondering if we are going to have to run to the store to get formula just to feed him before bed.

Little man, you are two months old. I was hoping that we would have mastered breast feeding by now. Sadly, we are still working on it.

Thankfully, he is so dang sweet normally that it makes it all better. But this little boy is freaking particular about his milk. If it's too fast or too slow, he is ticked. If it's not warm enough, he's ticked. If my milk takes too long to let down, it's all over.

Maybe next time, I'll share something more exciting that breast feeding news.


Sunday, June 12, 2011

8 Weeks

Gosh... It's been two weeks since I blogged. Life is certainly crazy! And busy! And only going to get bussier!

Last time I blogged we were having soooo many issues eating. And on top of that I had a crabby baby. Looking back on weeks 3-6 I think he was probably just growing a lot, not eating properly, and eating too much. I finally went in to my lactation consultant right after I blogged and she helped us immensely. She weighed him, I fed him, and she weighed him again. He didn't eat as much as he normally does, or for as long as I try to feed him for BUT he ate 3.5 oz. More than enough. So, Katie (the lactation consultant) determined that between me feeling him every 2.5-3.5 hours and with how much he was eating I was over feeding him. And that was causing him to get ticked while I was feeding him (because he wasn't hungry) and it was making his tummy hurt because it would get over full. Plus she gave me some tips on how to hold him a little better and make him a little more comfortable and less stressed. Katie was sooooo amazing. I am so thankful that the Navy has provided so much for us. I had wonderful care at the hospital, the lil Ninja has had wonderful care in Peds and when I talk to any of the nurses, they are more than willing to help me. I know that it is not always the case in the military, or even in the civilian world but we have been so BLESSED.

So since then, Hyatt has gotten his 2 month shots, which was HARD. I am sooo glad we are getting him vaccinated but I am even more glad that he did not have a bad reaction to any of the vaccines. He was pretty fussy after his shorts (and who wouldn't be) but Tylenol helps his little leg pains and helped him sleep that night. The next day, he was a tiny bit fussy, but two days after his shots he was back to his happy self.

And speaking of his happy self, MY HAPPY BABY IS BACK!!! Right after that 6 week mark (and I stopped over feeding him) my babe was all smiles and coos again. I am loving being a mom again. Those weeks when he just cried and cried and I just cried and cried were HARD. I felt like such a bad mom because I had a hard time really liking being around my baby. When J would come home I could not wait for someone else to hold his cranky butt. And I think part of it was still my emotions leveling out. And can I just say it is no nice to feel a little more even emotionally? Add in a happy baby, and I am feeling AMAZING.

At 6 weeks I had lost 31 of 41 pounds. At 8 weeks, I've lost 36 of 41 pounds. Even though I have lost most of my weight, my belly is weird. It doesn't bother me so much, but I don't think that a 2 piece is going to be in my future this summer. I'm really no so worried about the weight. I could totally tone up but weight wise, I feel fine with where I am at. My walks have some big hills in them and I am working up to jogging so I am sure I will get toned at some point =)

This week we are home for about 10 days. Hyatt is such a good traveler! I know when he is more mobile it will be a lot harder, but right now I am soooo glad! And it is so nice and relaxing to be home. Lots of arms wanting to hold the babe which is wonderful. And lots of people to laugh with. Love being here!!!

At 8 weeks, he's sleeping 4+ hours. He is just over 10 pounds so I am thinking that he is probably big enough and old enough to be sleeping longer. Since we have been on vacation, we are all staying in the same room and I think it will help him sleep thru the night in the long run. I think he is used to sleeping 4 hours and that is what is waking him up, not hunger. Since he is so close to me, it's easy to just pop a paci in his mouth when he starts to fuss and he is sleeping 5-6+ hours. So, my hope is, that he will get used to sleeping that long and we will no have to use the paci in the middle of the night. I think we are all enjoying him sleeping longer.

I got a new job!!!! And today, this is good news and bad news. I am so so so excited about this new opportunity. I think that I will fit in better than I did at the bank and that I am going to just enjoy my self more. Plus the benefits are better, the pay is better, and it is super close to home. Plus we have the most perfect day care lined up. Everything has just fallen into place. Then we took a trip home.... And thru some difficult events, I may not get to start at the end of this month. I might have to wait until the end of August because I am not home to take a drug test. I am sooo upset. I really want to start this job. I really don't want to not dip into savings to be a stay at home mom for a few more months. This is a pretty big company and they are all over WA, OR and CA so I am hoping that I will be able to take the test while I am home, or drive a few hours to take it. I will find out on Monday if I will be able to start this month or not. I am crossing my fingers!!!! What I am trying to do is just give it to God. He has a plan. There is not detail of my life too small for him to figure out. And if that means I stay home for a few more months, it's not ideal, but I will get to spend all that time with my beautiful babe.

Well, that's my update! Life is just trucking along.... I never thought 8 weeks could fly by so fast!