Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Rant. Sorry

You’ve been warned. This is A) Looonnnggg, and B) its a long rant. Feel free to quit reading now =)

Words don’t even begin to describe how seriously ticked off I am. Remember me talking about how I have a bachelorette party to go to while my husband is here and how I am over committing myself? Well, I ended up telling the maid-of-honor in charge of planning the party (K) that I will not be able to go to the party, but I would love to make the dinner. Nice compromise right? I am seeing the bride to be, all of the girls will be there, and I will still get to spend time with my hunny. Perfect! Well, apparently not. I have gotten so much flack from the girl planning the party (K) and another maid of honor (A) that I might scream and pull my hair out.

Yesterday is when everything started. I get a text message from the person planning the party basically saying that my husband is not allowed to be downtown while we are at the bachelorette party. While I realize that this is a “girls only” kind of thing, I am not going to tell my husband where he can or can’t go. And if I am downtown at the bars and he wants to see me, guess where he is going to be. What could have been an easy discussion turned in to a text message fight. Awesome, cause those are just great. I ended up deciding to just take the bull by the horns and talk to the bride to be. She is married to a National Guardsman, who has recently returned from Iraq. If anyone is going to understand this situation, it’s gonna be her. And when I talked to her, all she says is “of course I understand. I would be doing the same thing. If you don’t even want to come to the dinner I completely understand. It is not a big deal. I will be at K’s house all morning and afternoon if you want to come over and just hang out with me.”Sweet, this party is about her and she is (or at least says she is) fine with it. I text K saying that I will not be going on the bus or downtown but I will be going to the dinner and that I talked to the bride and it was all fine with her. Problem solved, right?
Wrong. This morning I get a text from A saying, and I quote “You should really come to the bachelorette party it’s only one night and you are in the wedding.” Um… I am pretty sure that I know that it’s one night and I only get 9 of them with my husband. I have no idea if he is deploying soon or not and I have spent more than 4 months away from my husband. While it may only be one night, it’s pretty freakin’ important night to me. And I basically told her just that, in a slightly nicer way. And then it only got better. She let me know that by bailing on them less than a week before the party, I am making it more stressful on the ones financially responsible. Okay, I will give you $30 to spend the night with my husband. Money well spent in my opinion, but I am a little livid that she asked about it. I cannot believe what a huge deal that this has turned into. And I can’t understand that my “friends” are upset with me for wanting to spend time with my husband. Are these people really my friends? Because I am seriously reconsidering a few of my friendships at this point.
This is the other part of my rant: The bachelorette party that is being planned, everything seems to have to “one p” the last bachelorette party. So-and-so had a limo, well we have a party bus, oh they all went to the mall to get their make-up done, well I am having someone come to my house and do it. Hers was all night long, well mine starts at 2:30. Seriously? What is with the competition? Why can’t it just be a fun girls night out? Why are we competing among friends? And I don’t know if all of this is the brides wishes or if it is the person planning the party (or both) but can I just say that I am so glad that I am married and not feeling the urge to “one up” anyone else? At my bachelorette party we dressed up (80’s style!!) went to dinner, and had a girl’s night. It was super fun, relaxed, and no one had to “one up” anyone else. I’m sorry, but we do not live in Beverly Hills. We are not Paris Hilton (no offense Paris) and we are supposed to be friends. If you really care about making sure that whatever you are doing is better than what someone else has done, than I am not sure that we should be friends.

I am proud of myself that I prayed really hard before sending any text messages or talking to all of these people. I was so angry yesterday and today that I was shaking. I really tried to respond in kindness and with loving words, even if I really just wanted to scream at them and tell them where to shove it. . I am thankful for the people who prayed for wisdom and the right words and I am thankful for my sister-in-law who told me, “If they don’t like it, tell them to come talk to me! I’ll gladly be your enforcer!” (BTW she is a tiny thing that is maybe 115 pounds soaking wet, but I would be shaking in my boots if she was mad a t me. Seriously!)

I am still a little bit amazed that I have made these people so mad at me. And all I am trying to do is what’s best for my family. And unfortunately it means not attending this event. Oh well. My husband is more important to me than any friendship I have. Sad for my friends. but true.

For anyone who reads this post, thanks for listening. I truly appreciate the support that you get from blogging. I wish that some of my in person friends were as supportive.

Love, L


Amanda said...

FRIEND. You spend time with your husband. The only one who matters here is the bride, and she understands. SO you go to dinner, and then go be with your husband. With him is where you belong. YOU are in charge of your life.

I LOVE YOU and I agree with your decision. =)

Mrs. Gambizzle said...

This is the reason why I value the friendship of other mil SO's they usually always understand that nothing is more important than those few nights you get to spend with your husband. I think you are making the right decision by being with your husband you guys need time together especially after four months apart. No worries girl keep smiling! :)

Meesh said...

You handled the situation like a champ! Good on ya! They should be lucky you're even compromising to go to thr dinner.

Star Spangled said...

I think you made the right decision. I know it's exciting to get married but I don't like the attitude that some people expect you to put your whole life on hold to celebrate. It doesn't seem like the bride has this attitude but the people around her do. Stand your ground, and good for you for being as nice as you can about it.