3 Months

Seriously? Three months? Already? Time flies!

While I am totally loving being a mom and a parent, it is hard in ways that I never imagined. And while I don't really want to get into it (it's a long complicated story that I'm not sure I want to tell), I can say for certain that I have never loved my son or husband more.

My little 3 month old is just over 12 lbs. He has the sweetest personality and theses little quirks that just make me laugh. Bedtime is 8:30 and he will sleep from then until sometime between 4 and 5:30. He wakes long enough to eat and pass back out until 6:30 or 7. He is such a good sleeper! After his bath and some milk, he goes to bed and goes right to sleep. I think he likes his routine as much as we do!

Every morning, I go to get him out of bed when I hear him talking to himself. As soon as I come into view, he lights up into a smile. He is the happiest baby when he wakes up! And he does not get that from me! We swaddle him every night and so when we un-velcro his blanket his arms instantly go into the "touchdown" position. He loves to have his hands by head =)

H is still a little stinker when we feed him. No more boobies for him, we have officially switched to bottles. And I have to say, it makes me a smidgen glad that he fusses just as much either way. It's not just me =) He is still gaining weight well so that makes me glad, he just sometimes needs to talk about his food. And sometimes he talks a lot, loudly. I don't really understand it. But, he knows what he wants and we just aren't sure what it is.

I've gone back to work, and that has made the biggest different in my attitude and mind set. I love seeing people every day, and I LOVE coming home to my boys. I appreciate the time I get to spend with my son, and honestly I am more productive now that I was when I was home every day. I also went back to a new job and I've found that I like it so much more than where I was working previously. It has been such a blessing.

H likes to be on his tummy, but generally wants to fall asleep when he's on it instead of pushing himself up and strengthening his muscles. No signs of rolling over yet, but we have heard a few giggles! He has started batting at some of the toys on his playmat, but I'm not sure if that's more accidental than on purpose. As a mom, I am having a hard time not wondering about when he is going to hit his next "milestone." I know babies all develop differently so I am trying to let my baby grow and play in his own way and not spend any time worrying that he's not developing "on schedule."

I think that's all that is new in our lives! I can't believe how much he has changed in the last three months. And I am SURE I will be saying the same thing in another three months.

Love,
L

So...

Last time I left off I was in a really sucky place. And that feels like FOR-EV-ER (lol Sandlot!) ago.

So shortly after my last post, we went home on vacation. And things went down hill with breast feeding. And with that, my emotions were all over the place. By the end of the week, I stopped breast feeding, and was only pumping. And that didn't last long. Now, we are pretty much only formula feeding. I still have a stash of breast milk that we are slowly going thru, but I have to say I am glad that the feeding issues are sort of over.

A few days after our vacation home I started a new job. And I have to say that it was the best thing that could have happened at the best time. I am a whole new person and a whole new mom. I am myself again. And it ROCKS!

After 9 weeks of crazy emotions and ups and downs, and lots of crying over crying babies and feeding issues, I finally talked to my doctor about what was going on. And he determined that I had post partum depression. And while I don't disagree with him, I ended up not taking medication for it. Mostly because when I did take the meds, I had every.single.side effect. And I mean every single one. And it was the worst 4 days of my life. And instead of trying a different medication and risking the side effects, I took nothing. And the biggest different in my life is going back to work.

Work has been a God send. Seriously. I love spending time with my little boy again. I love being a mom again. I love not hating feeding him anymore. And while he is still fussy while he eats (...makes me feel better that it's not just me!!!) I am dealing with it so much better!

So now, I have an 11 week old little man, who smiles and coos and just lights up my life. And I am so happy that the dark part of having a newborn is over for me. And while it's not all unicorns and rainbows, I am loving my new life.

I am so thankful for the hard part of my life that I went thru, because I now appreciate the good times. I wouldn't change his newborn weeks for anything, and I learned so much about myself and my family.

God is so good!!!
L