Scared...

There are so many directions that this post could be going in. I am afraid of the dark, spiders, people who want to wear my skin like a mask, and scary movies {basically I am a giant 'fraidy cat}. But on to the point of this post, I am also scared to have another baby. Not scared in a "how can I love something as much as I love my first," because I know your heart just grows. I don't know how but it just does. But I am scared. And I've always thought that we would have more than one child. I've always wanted 3 and the hubs always wanted two (I have to be controversial in our relationship =) ) And now I have myself re-thinking things are here's why:

H is perfect. Not in a wow, I love him so much he's perfect kind of way but in a Holy crap he never cries unless something is wrong, always laughs at something, plays on the floor by himself amazingness kind of way. And there is no way that we will create another baby that is so easy going. It's just not possible. We are not that lucky. {I'm pretty much guaranteeing that we will have colic and be fussy up the wazoo}

Daycare is expensive. And yeah - you get a 20% discount when you have two and yeah- once he's over 2 years old H's daycare expenses will go down, but STILL that's a whole lotta cash-ola going out for someone to watch my kiddos {money well spent, but still expensive!}

My 1st pregnancy was easy peasy. And I know that they tell you every pregnancy is different but I secretly hope that the only reason they say that is for people who had horrible experiences. Because honestly, if I knew that I was going to be sick the whole time you would have to be pretty convincing to get me to do it again. 

While pregnancy was FAB and I pretty much black out during delivery, I completely remember actually pushing H's giant head out of my lady parts. And no big deal... But I don't want to do it again. 4+ hours of pushing? No thank you. And no, I don't want you to cut him out of me either because I am pretty sure you uterus is supposed to stay in your body at all times, thanks! 

Speaking of pushing a child out of your lady parts... It takes a long time for those things to go back! And none of that was real fun either. I was pretty sure that I was never going to walk again and I'd forever sit on a doughnut. No joke!

Then on top of all of that - H is just starting to consistently sleep thru the night. And even then we are up for the day at about 6:30. And I am pretty sure I am at my limit for functioning with no sleep. Combine that with another baby who doesn't sleep thru the night until they are one {or later... Dear God!} and I may not survive. 

All of that being said... I know that we will have another baby. And maybe by the time I'm 9 months preggo I will not be scared anymore. =)