Last time I left off I was in a really sucky place. And that feels like FOR-EV-ER (lol Sandlot!) ago.
So shortly after my last post, we went home on vacation. And things went down hill with breast feeding. And with that, my emotions were all over the place. By the end of the week, I stopped breast feeding, and was only pumping. And that didn't last long. Now, we are pretty much only formula feeding. I still have a stash of breast milk that we are slowly going thru, but I have to say I am glad that the feeding issues are sort of over.
A few days after our vacation home I started a new job. And I have to say that it was the best thing that could have happened at the best time. I am a whole new person and a whole new mom. I am myself again. And it ROCKS!
After 9 weeks of crazy emotions and ups and downs, and lots of crying over crying babies and feeding issues, I finally talked to my doctor about what was going on. And he determined that I had post partum depression. And while I don't disagree with him, I ended up not taking medication for it. Mostly because when I did take the meds, I had every.single.side effect. And I mean every single one. And it was the worst 4 days of my life. And instead of trying a different medication and risking the side effects, I took nothing. And the biggest different in my life is going back to work.
Work has been a God send. Seriously. I love spending time with my little boy again. I love being a mom again. I love not hating feeding him anymore. And while he is still fussy while he eats (...makes me feel better that it's not just me!!!) I am dealing with it so much better!
So now, I have an 11 week old little man, who smiles and coos and just lights up my life. And I am so happy that the dark part of having a newborn is over for me. And while it's not all unicorns and rainbows, I am loving my new life.
I am so thankful for the hard part of my life that I went thru, because I now appreciate the good times. I wouldn't change his newborn weeks for anything, and I learned so much about myself and my family.
God is so good!!!
L
2 comments:
I am a fellow military spouse blogger and I just stopped by but wanted to offer some words of encouragement. Having two children myself and trying to breastfeed twice...I have walked down this familiar road. I have found that everyone hypes up the benefits of breastfeeding but no one ever sits you down and gives the real story about how hard it is and how so much of it is dependent not only on you but on the baby too. Some don't latch well others are lethargic and don't like working at it etc...Not to mention two visits from a lactation consultant in a hospital are not going to give you all the tools you need. Then you have the whole issue of supply etc.... All that to say...you are doing great and don't take it as a failure. When I had to stop breastfeeding I felt so guilty. I felt like it was my fault. That I had failed myself and my child. Then I realized not being able to breastfeed is not a failure. How we feed our babies is not as important as how we love our babies and love ourselves. What really matters is a happy mom and a fed baby and if that means formula than so be it. Glad you love your new job and that you are feeling better!
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